My Love Stories part.2

Stage 2: My Sad Love

I notice i love someone in a long term. Same goes to my second person taken my heart away, I love him 4 years too!

we did love each other. i waited for him. we continued our studies in different universities but it was just easy for us to date. but we didn't! we chose to not to! we agreed on that! we stayed with on-line relationship within 4 years! we did it!

He is such a good guy!
to me!
to his mom!
to his family!
to friends!

but he cant hold me on longer.
because i didn't allow to...

i wrote many poems about him. about how i long to him, how i deep in love with him, how i can't wait any longer, how i regret does not be a good lover to him. i expressed them in my poems. what is funny, sometimes i texted him with a very long messages. when i wrote in English, he said 'i don't understand!' but i still love him..


there were reasons i left him finally,
1. HE IS A GOOD GUY, I DONT THINK I AM.
2. He let me control decisions which deep inside i don't want that way. but i think he meant to show repect to my thought!
3. I don't complement his life! that is what i thought! HE GAVE, I TAKE, BUT I DONT GIVE AND HE DIDN'T RECEIVE!
4. My principle in relationship: I WANT TO COMPLEMENT MY LOVER MORE THAN HE GIVES TO ME!
5. He is a good guy but does not mean to be with me. Good does not mean you are suit together. sometimes you feel uneasy with his kindness because you feel it is unfair. you don't give equal to him! that was my thought led to leave him!


i'm glad i left him! i wasn't sincere being with him! i let his kindness chained my heart to stick with him which i believe his kindness won't stick my heart!

i always think my fragile future with him! i need a person who can guide me! but throughout 4 years he let me in everythings!

he does not know this. if he happens to be my reader, then i want to say this to him:

dear my (ex) lover,

i had a good time being your lover, i know our friends will say i'm ungrateful, letting go a good person like you. and you will keep thinking why i left you. until the end i can't even tell you. you may felt it unfair but i just can't tell you your fault.

i can't say a single fault of you after what you have done to me! you waited for me, you respect me. i believe a good person like you is not meant to be with a bad girl like me!

swap away your sadness for this ending love.

i'm happy i let you go, i give you a chance to get a better girl than me!

i didn't contact you for the fact i respect my decision. i respect your life. i shouln't interfere with your life anymore. For the fact that i just can't be friend with you as you had been my lover for 4 years.

just wanna let you know. i teared a lot being with you. i miss you a lot more than i long to my first love. i afraid thinking that you were not by my side. but i never doubt you would leave me!

THEN I DECIDE, I MUST LEAVE YOU.....

Hm.. i wrote this entry with my heart. i pour what i kept inside. i hope he happens to read this and i believe he know that person is he.